Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The 10 best Superman projects that will never exist, part dos

Continued from here.

6 Superman: Black and White
A grayscale action figure/statue of George Reeves as Superman.

7 Superman The Movie
Written by Geoff Johns, directed by Steven Spielberg and starring Brandon Routh. (Say what you will about Superman Returns, Routh was great. Though the costume would benefit from the tweaking given to it above.)

8 Superman
The monthly title written by Grant Morrison and drawn by a different artist each arc.

9. Brainiac
A mini series drawn by Chris Bachalo and written by Phillip K Dick.

10 Terra Man: A Whole Lot of Violence
A four issue Terra Man mini by me with art by the glorious Michael Netzer. I swear it'd rock your damned face. If you really loved me you'd start a letter writing campaign for me.

Paper dollies.

Superman paper crafts, because they're neat.

Most of these links stolen from the best toy/comic blog/pop culture/cool stuff blog ever, Superpunch.

BONUS! Courtesy Zhinx and EIE, Batman in his speedo and some really 80s knee socks.
I love that this strip features a fun maze, a paper doll and a graphic depiction of a violent murder.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

The 10 best Superman projects that will never exist

Wherein I pick and choose creators to do things I think would be awesome.

1 The Adventures of Mxyzptlk in the Fifth Dimension!
A silent short film by Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends creator Craig McCracken.

2 Jimmy Olsen: Cub Reporter
Original graphic novel by Hergé.

3 The Planet
A novel about Metropolis and an editor in chief finding their way during the depression by Ernest Hemingway.

4 Superman
A song using Superman in a metaphor that actually wouldn't suck by E of the eels.

5 Rao: Last God of Krypton
A story about the god of Krypton's red sun by Mike Carey, who outdid the Sandman on Lucifer, and it's a shame not more people know that. And yes, I know I'm asking him to follow Gaiman a second time here, it'd still be awesome. I also know that title's been used, but it cool enough to steal.

It's late, so the other 5 tomorrow, guys.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Chris and I were talking.

And we still miss you, Mike.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

So I don't know if you guys know this about me

But my taste in music is without flaw. People who like things I dislike are emotionally crippled and bad and you should shun them at all opportunities.

Any who, a long time ago I made this post wherein I rant about songs that have a Superman theme. It's one of my favorite things I've ever done for SIB, but it wasn't that popular. I don't care, I'm doin' it again. Songs about Supergirl, which on the whole are less lame than songs about Superman.

Song: Keeps Getting Better by Christina Aguilara

Sample lyrics:
In the blink of an eye
In the speed of the light
I'll hold the universe up
And make your planets collide
When I strap on my boots
And I slip on my suit
You see the vixen in me
Becomes an angel for you

Some days I'm a super bitch
Up to my old tricks
But it won't last forever
Next day I'm your super girl
Out to save the world
And it keeps gettin' better

Why I hate it: On the one hand, she expresses a willingness to put on a superhero costumes for you. Automatically marriage material. On the other hand, she's quite obviously bipolar and may very well shank you. Plus, I have to hear this song damned near every time i watch something on Hulu because Target bought a non-superbitch version of this song to use in their advertising. And i'm getting sick of it.

Song: Supergirl by Minor Majority

Sample lyrics:
This is the t-shirt I've been
carrying for all these years
It's got your picture on the front
This is the pride I take in
wearing it and sharing it
With everyone who needs to know

You're such a snob, but you're such a super girl
But any day now it'll show
You're such a snob, but you're such a super girl
Think it's time you sang along.

Why I hate it: Right off the bat, this dude creeps me right the fuck out. Then you roll around to that bit about the t-shirt and you know this guy is outside some poor girl's window making the baby Jesus wretch. Dude's got the crazy eyes. His pensive expression just looks like he's considering shaving her dog so he can take the fur home and put it in his shrine to her.

Also, I just can't tell if this thing is meant to be ironic, or if the lyrics are just that damned silly, so they got me on that front. You win this time, whiny Creepy McStalker guy.

Song: Supergirl by Hilary Duff

Sample lyrics:
Who can make you mad
When you're having a blast
I can, I can

And who can pick you up
When you're feelin' like you suck
I can, I can

Why I hate it: That last bit I quoted there fuckin' kills me. Loeb/Kelly's Supergirl would love this song, therefore it's obviously everything wrong with the character.

Okay, not really. One the one hand, a teenage girl singing about being awesome and identifying with Supergirl is actually spot on, and on some level it works the same way the Animated Series Supergirl's costume works; it's exactly what a fifteen year old girl would put together thinking of Supergirl. On the other hand, teenagers are kinda dumb. I was, you were, and those damned kids with their intrawebs and hip hops and casual sex today are worst of all.

Song: Supergirl by Krystal Harris

Sample lyrics:
I'm supergirl
And I'm here
To save the world
And I wanna know
Who's gonna save me?
I'm supergirl
And I'm here to
Save the world
And I wanna know
Why I feel so alone

Seems like a dream
But there's one thing missing
Nobody's here with me
(Here with me)
To share in all that
I've been given
I need someone
That's strong enough for me

Why I hate it: First of all, kudos to Ms Harris for being so brave as to take on a song so obvious and lame even Pink probably rejected it. This song is terrible for pretty much the same reason most songs about Superman are terrible. "Let's take this powerful figure and use it to show how vulnerable we really are! No one'll ever see that coming. Damn I'm deep."

And yes, at this point I do realize how easy it is to pick apart disposable pop songs. I'm sarcastic and lazy, this is what you get from me.

Song: Superwoman by Alicia Keys

Sample lyrics:
Everywhere I'm turning
Nothing seems complete
I stand up and I'm searching
For the better part of me
I hang my head from sorrow
state of humanity
I wear it on my shoulders
Gotta find the strength in me

Cause I am a Superwoman
Yes I am
Yes she is
Even when I'm a mess
I still put on a vest
With an S on my chest
Oh yes
I'm a Superwoman

Why I hate it:I don't. This is a really good song. It's a little overly sentimental, but it's actually about being strong and fighting through the tough times, and that's cool. Plus, Alicia Keys is a beautiful woman and has an amazing voice and i have a crush on her. (Aside, Another Way To Die is the best James Bond theme ever.)

Song: Super Girl by Rebecca

Sample lyrics:
Yeah, I got nothin'.

Why I hate it: I'm pretty sure this is the peak of the art form where music videos are concerned, and my hate comes from deep, deep envy born of the knowledge that no matter how hard I try I will never be half as funny as that woman's dress.

I took comments off moderation

But added a captcha thing. I know both of those things are annoying, but I been gettin' the spams.

Friday, December 12, 2008

I liked Kon El

Because he let us see Superman as a big brother without giving Superman the baggage of having an actual little brother.


Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Chris and Curt done made a funny

The rest of this strip:

DC Vs Mortal Kombat is exactly that dumb an idea.

If you aren't reading Let's Be Friends Again, you and I aren't friends any more. Although I'll be honest with you, the strip is a bit lacking in that there hasn't been a single panel about how awesome I am yet. That's totally why no one reads PVP any more. I mean besides the banality.