The 10 Worst Moments in Superman History, a series

Now I'm not sayin' I would poke Dan Jurgens in the eye with his drawing pencil, but I wouldn't fault some one who did.

See this guy?



That's the Toyman. He blows people up with remote control planes and robs banks with wind up soldiers. He travels on a rocket powered pogo stick. If you want to tell a goofy fun Superman story, well there you go, you got some one you can do it with.

See this?



That's Dan Jurgens version of the Toyman. And some kids he abducted. You can tell he's a psychopath now 'cause he's always in shadows, he's shaved his head and he's constantly talking to his imaginary mommy. I hear Jurgens has to give all his royalties for this version of the character over to the publishers of The Big Book of Cliches. These changes were necessary, because the old dressed like a gay Ben Franklin version screamed 'perfectly sane'.

You see, Dan Jurgens hates fun and Dan Jurgens hates you. He didn't want to tell fun goofy stories. That's fine. They're not for every one. Problem is, he wanted to tell grim realistic stories. I don't know about you, but when I think about stories featuring aliens flying around Earth in capes saving the day, I expect gritty realism.



Look at that. You can just feel the pathos radiating off that thing. It's like he's emoting with his mullet. See, these are stories about a Superman and world we could all relate to. One where a symbol of hope cradles the dead children of his co-workers.



If you've ever wondered what the world's least subtle foreshadowing looks like, there ya go. I think Lois might have a point, Supes, maybe you shouldn't fly off while kids were missing because you need a "me" day.



Here's something every superhero comic book should have; someone in a cheap Barney the dinosaur suit propositioning a little boy in tights.



That's an interesting take on Supes you're rocking there, Danny. Not Superman as guy who could inspire us, but one that doesn't save the day because he's too busy being selfish. What a novel approach!

Later issues would reveal Toyman's motivations for the change; action figure sales. See, he figured the toy of him in a Superman action figure line would sell better if he weren't silly, but grim 'n' gritty, because that's what kids want.

You know, despite all that, you could lie to yourself and say "Well, he had the mind of the child. The only harm that came to the children was his lashing out when they didn't do as he said." But years later in the Lex Luthor Man of Steel mini-series Brian Azzarello felt the need to make it explicit-



The crime he's being tied to there? Blowing up a daycare center and killing 68 children.

Used to be having Superman in your comic pretty much guaranteed there wouldn't be any references to pedophilia or dozens of murdered children solely for the sake of making them more salacious.